Writers of the World, Unite!

Some TV-philes aren't sitting pretty. They're in withdrawl: their arms and hands shivering, their knees knocking, and their teeth chattering. They're not cold, but suffering from a lack of daily perennial wisdom by late-night kingpins Jay Leno, Conan O' Brian and David Letterman.

Their "fix" won't arrive anytime soon. That's because on Monday, the massive Writer's Guild of America traded their pens for picket signs for the first national Writer's Strike since 1988. Y'know, the one that cost Hollywood $500 million in lost revenue? The reasons are simple: as a Minneapolis Star-Tribune article puts it, "online video is still in its infancy, but its moneymaking potential is salivating."

Today, roughly 75 percent of Internet users watch an average of three hours of Web video each month, according to Pew American Life & Internet Project, a non-profit initiative that produces Internet statistical reports. That translates to a cash cow of media exposure from which all 12,000-plus writers won't receive a cut.

So far, the current arrangement for residuals between the Guild and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers is $0.036 on the dollar per DVD unit sold and absolute zip for new media (i.e. online and digital sales, exposure to Internet television programming). That figure was accepted in 1985. The Guild is demanding a sharp increase (from about 0.5 to 2.5 percent of sales) in royalties from DVDs and Web productions, cell phones and other gadgets.

Yet curiously enough, that Star-Tribune comment earlier is precisely AMPTP's agrument as well. Film and television studios contend that it's too early to agree to a binding formula regarding profit margins for Web content.

On their website, AMPTP President Nick Coulter says, "when we asked if [the Writer's Guild] would “stop the clock” for the purpose of delaying the strike to allow negotiations to continue, they refused ... It is unfortunate that they choose to take this irresponsible action."

Here's a handy fact box from the CNN Web site:

• How you'll be affected- Immediately: Late-night talk shows, which depend on topical material, will go to reruns
• In about one month: Daytime soap operas will go to reruns
• By January-February: Current prime-time shows will likely run out of fresh episodes - Reality shows unaffected; Fox, with fewer hours to program and powerhouse "American Idol" returning in January, in best shape if strike continues, according to The Hollywood Reporter
• ABC has stockpiled several new shows, could put them on in midseason if strike persists
• TV networks have stockpiled TV movies
• Movie studios in decent shape for now

Here's the thing: the 1988 strike lasted 22 weeks, according to The Washington Post. That's plenty of time to melt through all those stored hours of unwatched programming on your TiVo. This stretch could arguably allow watchers to ween themselves off serialized and scripted dramas and learn to embrace online entertainment or reality shows. This alternative isn't comparatively better by any means, but a gloves-off writer showdown leaves us clinging to the sidelines.

It ain't all bad, though. Writers are still trying to keep us entertained during the hiatus:

Images courtesy CNN.com, washingtonpost.com